Happy New Year!

Hey folks...happy new year and all the best ! Wanted to share some of my new year resolutions with you guys so here goes:

1. Update the blog more....lol
2. Stop procrastinating
3. Be humble

The year 2008 promises to be the year of plenty and so I charge forward and do away with the burdens of the past. I've been through a lot over the past year and now I need to take care of 'me'. Time for me to forget, but not forgive and forge forward towards my true destiny.

Koller out...

Square One

" Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colours into one?
and if you come undone
As if you've been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one"
-"Square One" - ColdPlay

Here's some lyrics for you to chew on this fine Thanksgiving night. I've been detox'ing on some ColdPlay recently and I despite hearing this song a lot, tonight these words stood out to me and i thought I'd share it with you guys. Ponder on it a bit....

New Beginning

Hey folks...I'm back and it has been a while.
Just wanna say that i'm glad to be back and
lets give a toast to new beginnings
and out with old acquaintances.
Letz Go...

Patience...

Hi folks....sorry about the delay. But i had a lot to do coming up to the ending of the summer. Have some technical and personal difficulties so bear wid me....and have no fear...i'll be back.
Bless

Reflections...

Hi guyz...itz been a while. I apoligize for the absence but I'm back and around to post a bit more regularly now. We all know itz Sunday...and thatz a day of reflection. Reflection...not just on the week that went, but on all the majors relationships that have affected and indirectly determined my path in life. I'm thankful for them all...both the good and the bad. From every failed relationship, I take something, be it positive or negative and chalk it down as a lesson learnt: sometimes this helps to ease the pain, sometimes it doesn't...
sometimes I can move on, sometimes I don't...
Most importantly though...I hope that someday I won't have to learn anymore...cuz a lot of times, this kinda learning hurts..
Have a good week folks and God speed.

Reflections...

We reach the end of another week and I start by thanking God for making it through.
It had its ups and downs but most important, just being able to go ahead into a new week is what matters most.
Every Sunday night we reflect on the moments and thoughts from the week past. We discussed expectations and its many burdens, and we also spoke about the importance of communication. I have no idea what topics this week brings but John Mayer's performing in town this week (Wednesday) so i'll probably have something to reflect on.
Folks...stay strong and god speed.

Is that a two way radio...?

A relationship is like a walkie-talkie...it goes both ways and more important, it doesn't work properly and isn't that much fun if there's only one person 'actively' participating. I've always valued the importance of communication. I believe that it is the key to any successful relationship. Without it, thatz when confusion reigns and solvable issues become unsolvable. We sometimes underestimate how huge of a factor something as simple as that is...but do your own analysis and you'll see. Without it, all is lost. So...anyone going to Toys R' Us...I could do with a ride.

Expectations

Sorry about yesterday people...technical difficulties, so thanks for bearing with me.

The weight of expectations can be pretty darn heavy sometimes, be it your expectations of
someone else or what someone expects from you. Its tricky in that sometimes we expect so much for ourselves but are reluctant to put out that same amount in return. Are we wrong to do so?

Don't we want what is best for ourselves. I can't really answer that question nah...cuz there have been times where I thought I put out so much yet the negatives constantly overshadowed the positive. At the same time, what I now expect from others is blurred because for some reason (unbeknownst to me), it varies in understanding. While the little things may be important to some, others can't see that small and unconsciously (and consciously as well) trivialize it. Its left to you to bear the brunt of the effects of these deflated expectations. Cause in the end, it all comes back to you...I mean, really...what did you expect?

Prelude to expectations...

I know I'm suppose to be focusing on expectations pretty soon...itz just that I can't really organize my thoughts on that topic for the past couple days and only when I do so, will I really say what needs to be said. Besides...Monday is quiet day so chill out , gather your thoughts and come out vocally and thoughtfully strong tomorrow plz God.
I'll give you some thoughts to think about (lol...loving the sentence construction...lol)

What do we expect of life?
What do we expect from other people?
Is what we get, what we really expected?
Or is what we expected, what we really get?

Think about it...

Reflections....

I wanted to talk about the weight of expectations today but seeing that Sunday is all but over, I just wanna reflect for the week: Appreciate the good things that have graced me, learn from the negatives that have plagued me and see how I can 
utilize these experiences for the next week...Right now I feel like the Keane song, "Nothing in my way":
"Its just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say..."
These past couple of days have been really strange, but interesting. I've felt close to this probably twice in my life and its not a pleasant feeling. I really hope that this time it turns out differently. 
This may seem like rambling but you know what...read the very first post. This is what this blog is about...rambling but making perfect sense, cause if u look closely, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. With that said, reflection time is over. Bless...

Tides of change

Anyone out there knows what exactly the tides of change are? Or what happens when it consumes an individual? Change is inevitable and is arguably the only constant thing in existence. It's funny that we always think that we can monitor or regulate change...be it within ourselves or our lives. That however, is virtually impossible...ok. Take it from me. The couple times I have changed, there is always some underlying incident or person; benign or beneficial. 
Its only fair to tell you that right now, I feel as if I've been washed, albeit throughly,  in the tides of change. Things just aren't the way they used to be and some people and things just aren't as they seem or used to be. Its like I see everything in a new light. There are:
People I never appreciated...that I appreciate so much more
People I appreciated...that I just don't care about anymore
Friends I thought I had, whose friendship doesn't really matter to me anymore
Friends I never had, whose friendship now actually matter to me
Love I never thought I'd feel
Angst I never thought I'd have
People who I can't live without
People who I'm better off without
I guess it all boils down to what I wanna be and trying to forge my own path in a society that tries to stifle you in the notion of predestiny. That's why growing up is so hard...but its something we all have to do. So when your turn reaches, which it eventually will, take it in stride and know that you were not the only one...and won't be the last.

Will you feel better...or will you feel anything at all ?

Well...i came to a realization today that sometimes Regina Spektor makes some sense. Not that she doesn't...itz just that, although i'm a big fan of the single Fidelity, I thought she was a bit nuts. i decided to give her a chance today and found "Better", "Samson" and "On the Radio" to be pretty good and deep songs...
especially :
"On the Radio...Uh oh"
"On the Radio...Uh oh" (listen to the song to undersatnd...)
Lol...makes me wonder about the songs we write off without actually taking the time to listen to them. Or the people we turn our backs on without giving them a chance. Are we that cynical as a society now, that we live trapped in self absorption. Sometimes I can be like that...itz strange cause you think you have the answers and think you live for other people yet you can't see that you only live for yourself. When you finally see the truth, sometimes you want to just run and crawl rite back into that narcissitic husk and shut out the voices of truth and reason; when the better thing to do is to confront what you are and use it as a catalyst for evolution and change. Question is that which ever route you take..will you feel better...or will you feel anything at all ?

And so it began...

Its a start...the beginning of what is expected to be the rambling of a disillusioned yet driven punk...following in the footsteps of his legendary predecessor Steppenwolf. I guess we could begin...
Hello, my name is Jan Koller....and I'm a narcissist...