Reflections....

I wanted to talk about the weight of expectations today but seeing that Sunday is all but over, I just wanna reflect for the week: Appreciate the good things that have graced me, learn from the negatives that have plagued me and see how I can 
utilize these experiences for the next week...Right now I feel like the Keane song, "Nothing in my way":
"Its just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say..."
These past couple of days have been really strange, but interesting. I've felt close to this probably twice in my life and its not a pleasant feeling. I really hope that this time it turns out differently. 
This may seem like rambling but you know what...read the very first post. This is what this blog is about...rambling but making perfect sense, cause if u look closely, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. With that said, reflection time is over. Bless...

Tides of change

Anyone out there knows what exactly the tides of change are? Or what happens when it consumes an individual? Change is inevitable and is arguably the only constant thing in existence. It's funny that we always think that we can monitor or regulate change...be it within ourselves or our lives. That however, is virtually impossible...ok. Take it from me. The couple times I have changed, there is always some underlying incident or person; benign or beneficial. 
Its only fair to tell you that right now, I feel as if I've been washed, albeit throughly,  in the tides of change. Things just aren't the way they used to be and some people and things just aren't as they seem or used to be. Its like I see everything in a new light. There are:
People I never appreciated...that I appreciate so much more
People I appreciated...that I just don't care about anymore
Friends I thought I had, whose friendship doesn't really matter to me anymore
Friends I never had, whose friendship now actually matter to me
Love I never thought I'd feel
Angst I never thought I'd have
People who I can't live without
People who I'm better off without
I guess it all boils down to what I wanna be and trying to forge my own path in a society that tries to stifle you in the notion of predestiny. That's why growing up is so hard...but its something we all have to do. So when your turn reaches, which it eventually will, take it in stride and know that you were not the only one...and won't be the last.

Will you feel better...or will you feel anything at all ?

Well...i came to a realization today that sometimes Regina Spektor makes some sense. Not that she doesn't...itz just that, although i'm a big fan of the single Fidelity, I thought she was a bit nuts. i decided to give her a chance today and found "Better", "Samson" and "On the Radio" to be pretty good and deep songs...
especially :
"On the Radio...Uh oh"
"On the Radio...Uh oh" (listen to the song to undersatnd...)
Lol...makes me wonder about the songs we write off without actually taking the time to listen to them. Or the people we turn our backs on without giving them a chance. Are we that cynical as a society now, that we live trapped in self absorption. Sometimes I can be like that...itz strange cause you think you have the answers and think you live for other people yet you can't see that you only live for yourself. When you finally see the truth, sometimes you want to just run and crawl rite back into that narcissitic husk and shut out the voices of truth and reason; when the better thing to do is to confront what you are and use it as a catalyst for evolution and change. Question is that which ever route you take..will you feel better...or will you feel anything at all ?

And so it began...

Its a start...the beginning of what is expected to be the rambling of a disillusioned yet driven punk...following in the footsteps of his legendary predecessor Steppenwolf. I guess we could begin...
Hello, my name is Jan Koller....and I'm a narcissist...